Putting life in perspective.
A touching story, an amazing family and community...
and hits home when your child has a life threatening disease
and your Dad is fighting Cancer himself.
Cancer isnt easy explaining to a child.
Jack: "Mom, do I have Cancer?" Me: "No, why would you think that?" "because Grandpa doesnt eat and he has Cancer and I dont eat... so?" isnt it funny how kids minds work. The other night Logan came downstairs and crawled in my lap in tears, worried about his Grandpa...its just like our quiet one to do that. Of course then I bawl and have a hard time consoling him myself. Nice work Mom.
Sorry if this is all over the place. I havent been sleeping well, with so much on my mind lately. To make matters worse, Senna has been sick for a week now, really sick with 104 and nearly 105 temps. Of course the high temps landing on the weekend. It started out with a stiff neck, then fever, she isnt eating, dizzy ect...Ive taken her in 3 times now and they just say take her home, get plenty of rest , blah, blah, blah ($90 of copays later) They think it might be Mono, lovely. So if she continues to have temps for a few more days then we'll do some bloodwork (and thank-you for another copay!) Hopefully this passes soon, she's missing too much school and whats worse, she's losing more weight, weight she cant afford. Her Ped is threatening her with tests because shes so concerned. What is it with my kids and food?!, sigh--that subject is for another day. Now Ive got to pray Jack or the other boys dont come down with whatever she has.
OH, and Logans 11th Birthday is this Friday, Ive got to have a party for him somehow. Did I mention how I hate December Birthdays?! Jeffs is also on the 19th, its just so hard to figure out presents for both their Birthday and Christmas. POOR Christmas babies they always get cheated with the Christmas/Birthday combo gift. I told myself I would NEVER do that to my boy! (and you know, wrapping his Birthday gift in Christmas paper) But I can see how it works out that way, but so stinkin unfair though.
Thanksgiving came and went. I didnt even take any pictures this year, the first time ever. Its not because I didnt bring along any of my cameras ...it just didnt feel right. Dad was still inpatient and the Holiday wasnt the same without him there.
Sadly, the good news was short lived. When the surgeons came out of the O.R a couple weeks ago they were so upbeat and confident they got all the CANCER. Giving us the idea that likely Dad wouldnt need any more treatment. But that was before the biopsies came back. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma, even his Drs were very surprised and werent expecting those results. Lymphoma is a Cancer that resides in the Lymphatic system, meaning it can spread very easily.
Dad came home yesterday after 3 weeks in the Hospital recovering from the removal of his tumor and appendix. He still needs to have the CT scan to see if and where the cancer has spread. BUT they tell us they would be surprised if it hadnt spread because this cancer does that. If its spread to his bones, there is no cure and the prognosis isnt good. The only good thing about Lymphoma is it apparently responds very well to chemotherapy. The bad news is the majority of patients diagnosed with Lymphoma are already in the advanced stages of disease. And with Dads age and Diabetes, this doesnt help any.
He's noticeably depressed, saying very few words and sleeps most of his days. Yesterday he looked pale, frail and nothing like the day I saw him in the Hospital after getting his blood transfusion. He was joking and all smiles before his surgery. My mom breaks in tears easily, just been so hard on her. Her aunt died recently, she was so close to and her brother also has cancer and is currently undergoing chemo as well. They only gave him months. Now Dad, how much can a woman take...weve all been so emotional.
We dont know when he will start his first cycles of Chemo. We're all kinda hoping not until after the Holidays, we would hate to see him so sick. And Im not even sure we would be able to spend Christmas with him anyway, its not like its a good idea to have a bunch of snotty nosed grandkids around when his immune system is so fragile. Right now we're just allowing him to heal and get stronger. Of course we're all wanting to know what "stage" his cancer is and what to expect but maybe its just as well he hasnt had the CT scan yet, we dont think Dad needs anymore bad news. He needs to get stronger and focus on that for now.
Im still in shock...but we all know Cancer will affect everyone at some point in their lives, its just too close to home this time. Im scared and not sure Im ready to watch my Dad go through all this. He's always been a big and strong man, seeing him so weak and frail is hard...Im afraid of losing him.
The Holidays, What Holidays? Everyone knows this is my very favorite time of the year and yet our tree has been up for days and I havent had the energy nor been in the mood to decorate it. It just sits there naked, waiting to be dressed and lit up. Ive always looked forward to decorating, just not so much this year. But I know Ive to get out of this funk soon, my kids still need me to make their Holiday special and theyre going through all this too.
I remember losing my grandparents, it was very traumatic. I think what was worse for me was seeing my parents grieve. I felt like we all had to walk on egg shells. I want our kids to be able to express how theyre feeling. I have to stay strong and continue to give them reassurance, after all its still very possible my Dad may really beat this thing and be OK in the end. There is HOPE, and I have every reason to have HOPE, Im just having a hard time finding it right now. Sometimes I wake up, praying it was all just a bad dream...but back to life...we"ll get through this some how.
SPEAKING OF PRAYERS...
Ive had you pray for these Mito kiddos before,
but please put in another one for them tonight.
Eithene is continuing to struggle everyday with a new infection that keeps her in the Hospital nearly year around. And Kyle is also inpatient again from a complicated surgery and now a painful recovery.
Mitochondrial Disease is such a cruel disease, please pray for their
comfort tonight. AND Please visit their blogs to learn more about
these amazing families and their incredibly STRONG and BRAVE children.
Doesnt it make you want to hug your littleone much closer tonight?
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